Grandaddy Longlegs

Today as we were taking a walk, I called Jackson "Grandaddy Longlegs". Right now that's what he is - all arms and legs. I said to him, "One day, you'll be a grandaddy and you'll have long legs and you'll really be a grandaddy longlegs."

Immediately after I said it, I was filled with sadness, hope, fear, and uncertainty. My little boy, just three years old, will one day be a grandfather. And it's quite likely that I won't be around th see it. My sense of mortality was strong, which is unusual because it's not something that I struggle with a whole lot. I can hardly imagine him that old, frolicking around with someone else's baby. And so much can happen between now and then - disease, accidents, the draft, mental illness, addiction - who knows what the future will hold for him?

At that moment, all I could do was hold him, these concerns, fears, dreams and hopes, in God's light. My powerlessness was overwhelming. I have to trust him to someone, something else that's bigger than me and that I can't control. I'm not so good at that. But an almost impercepptible tug on my heart - it has to be from the holy - keeps pulling me away from myself and toward God.

Then he also said that he was never going to get married. "I have to live with you. I'm not going to get MARRI-ed," he emphasized. And then said that he was not going to be a firefighter either. He was just going to stay at home as a grown-up. Who knows - he could be telling the truth!